


"Life" with the Deetzes - RP DRABBLES

by mordelle, Suzthesnooze



Series: Neither Here Nor There [4]
Category: Beetlejuice (1988), Beetlejuice - All Media Types
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Other, wholesome content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-03-26 13:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19006471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordelle/pseuds/mordelle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzthesnooze/pseuds/Suzthesnooze
Summary: These drabbles take place AFTER Neither Here Nor There (Part 1). Co-written with Suzthesnooze (aka @Mostghcst as an rp on tumblr). All of Betelgeuse's descriptions and dialogue are written by Suzthesnooze (SUPER talented role player and I'm honored to have her play Beej in this universe! She writes him perfectly, you'll see!) Not sure how many we will do but I'd love to include all the other characters that have been mentioned in NHNT and THNB. It will be copy/pasted from the rp so it will not read like a regular fic - hope you don't mind!Rating this as G for now but who knows what will happen later... :)





	1. Chapter 1

**The Line Drive Heard Round the World**

**by Mordelle & Suzthesnooze**

Five-year-old Bianca Deetz just wanted to prove to those _stupid_ boys at school that she could play ball just as good as any of them. She wasn’t going to show up to tryouts without making sure she was right though. So she asked her dad to take her to the park and practice with her. Well, she didn’t really ask… it was more like followed him around the house tugging on his shirt begging or yelling - whichever she thought would work best at the moment. So there she was standing at home plate with her small wooden bat and a baseball sitting innocently on a tee. She stared at it, then narrowed her eyes with confusion.

“I thought you had to throw it at me.” She yelled condescendingly at her father, who was sporting a ridiculous baseball getup.

\---

Beetlejuice paced, stiff-backed, to-and-fro a few yards from Bibi. After a day of pestering at the hands of his persistent spawn, her ghoulish father had no choice but to relent. Not like he had anything better to do than teach the little ankle-biter how to play baseball. After all, he admired that Bibi seemed to share his passion for one-upmanship. And he’d be DAMNED if those little turds at school were going to have any ground on HIS daughter. But when she sasses him suddenly, the caricature of a pudgy umpire spun on his heels to cast his mouthy daughter a warning glare.

“Wooaaa, ho ho! Excuse me , but Who exactly begged WHOM to teach who how to play baseball, huh missy!?” he scoffed. “ Oooh, tha’s right. I’m the Mister Miyagi around here. Got it Padawan ? ”

It would have been exceedingly helpful if he had any actual idea of how the sport worked… but it was nothing a little multi-media couldn’t fix. After three viewings of “A League of Their Own” , Two viewings of Karate kid (he got bored), and a quarter viewing of “Angels in the Outfield” it was safe enough to say he was an EXPERT. Ball stick bases strike you’re out. No crying. Angels. Use the force. Yadda yadda.

Looking quite pleased with his little show of fatherly sternness, he squatted down to her level with his glove open, not necessarily expecting she could hit as far away as he stood.

“ Besides. I’m not lookin’ to get my ass handed to me by Mom if I knocked any of yer teeth out with a fastball …” as though he had the upper body strength for anything more than a gentle toss – “We’re usin’ the T until you’re at least a foot taller. Now c’mon, batter ! Swing! Wax on Wax off!”G

\---

Annnnnd Bibi tunes out as she usually does when her windbag of a father says more than two words she just doesn’t get. While he yaps away about Mister Padwagi - whoever that is, Bianca lines her bat up to the ball several times, her tongue pinched between her lips at the corner of her mouth in extreme concentration. On her third wind up, she swings the bat with a loud growl as hard as she can just as her father’s last words escape his gross, crooked teeth: “Wax off–!”

**CRACK!**

A smoking line drive hurls its way right into his gaping cake-hole.  Bianca doesn’t even realize her father’s concave face as she screams in victory over being able to hit the ball at all. She runs circles around him…

“HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN-HOME-RUN!!”

\---

Beetlejuice was certain he felt the crunch of the cartilage in his nose before he ever heard the ball crack against the bat . The wild cacophony of little girl shrieking and the intense ringing in his head only added a further layer of disorientation as he rolled in the grass , pressed both hands to his face, and whined pitifully . “Bibi!”

This was death. He was dying again, life had been good while it lasted, he only hoped it would be closed casket so no one would see his mutilated nose. If only his sole witness, his jubilant little girl prancing && shrieking in circles around him, could hear his final utterances.

Truly pitiable. Tragic , really.

...

The man behind the ice cream counter absently && nervously shined a glass, his eyes stuck warily on the absolutely murderous looking wreck of a man in full baseball regalia. The air was thick enough to slice with a knife. Meanwhile, the little girl at the dangerous man’s side seemed nonplussed by her frightening company. Instead her little face beamed pride, taking a spoonful of her sundae and swinging her legs beneath the counter in perfect bliss.

Betel’s hooked beak was pressed deeply into his cone, the top half of his form hunched pitifully over the counter. Boy, he did NOT miss pain. There were plenty of things he had missed about being a bag of flesh, and he wasn’t about to tear Odin’s Noose off of his neck, but NERVES were turning out to be a real campbell at best. At least the pulsing pain in his face had slowly subsided into a dull ache (the ice cream had helped in that regard), and the beleaguered baseball coach finally freed his white spotted nose. With a groan, his grumpy blue gaze slid down to the the little line driver beside him.

“Havin’ a good time there, Slugger? Wanna break a couple of my LIMBS while you’re at it?”

It was difficult to be mad when he was so damn p r o u d . Who’d have thunk his little girl had one hell of an arm? Those boys at school didn’t stand a CHANCE.

“S O , If mom asks, tell ‘er I got into a fight. With five guys. They had… I dunno, tattoos and huge muscles.  And they all rode bikes. Deal?”

\---

Bibi smiled brightly in response to her father’s question of whether she was having a good time. She giggled when she heard his nose give out a whistle at the word “LIMBS”.

Mouth full of chocolate fudge and sprinkles, Bianca replies, “Mom says never to lie to her, especially when YOU tell me to.” She ended her sentence with a resolute and curt nod.

She could hardly wait for those tryouts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Evil in Small Packages**

****by Mordelle & Suzthesnooze** **

 

Bibi, skips into the kitchen where her father is scavenging for food.

“Hey, dad, a boy asked me if I would be his girlfriend today at school.” She twirls a lock of hair absentmindedly as her father goes rigid…

\---

A perfect little kamikaze pilot, his daughter decided to drop a bomb Betel was CERTAIN he wouldn’t be dealing with until at least her pre-teens. Buried chest-deep in the refrigerator, his reaction was very much as though he’d just come under fire. The clatter from inside is nothing short of chaos; his elbows && head knock items over loudly as he tries to stand bolt upright, only for the second shelf to tilt and spill its contents down the back wall.

Withdrawing from the crime scene fully, Betel slammed the door and spun to face his young attacker.

Boy? A BOY!? TALKING to HIS daughter, his BABY. That little grade school CREEP! Who the HELL did he think he was?! Evil seemed to come is smaller && smaller packages lately. Possessive && violent rage coiled up in his chest && the bristled man lunged down to lift Bibi up beneath the arms. He plopped her unceremoniously down on the countertop, blue eyes narrowed keenly.

“GIRLFRIEND huh? Guess that’d make him yer BOYFRIEND. Right? Movin’ awful fast…” (as all PREDATORS do. He should know. He IS one.) He continued with as cool of a tone as he could muster. “An’ what did you say? What’s his name?”

\---

When Lydia had warned her not to tell her “hysterical father” about the boy at school and what he had asked her, she plotted to tell dad straight away at the most inopportune moment. Any time her mother gave her a “don’t tell your dad,” an enormous green traffic light shined brightly in the evil glint of her adorable blue eyes.

Bibi’s eyes widened with amusement at the destruction that occurred within the fridge. Mom was gonna yell at him for sure, she giggled with mischief.

Her tinkling laughter was cut short when her father lifted her up to the counter. His accusations were uttered with a tone that said he obviously did not approve and she wondered briefly if she should tell him the truth or lie just to get more of a rise out of him.

Buuuut she knew that look in his eye only meant trouble. REAL trouble. And although she didn’t care much for Tommy, she really liked her new school and didn’t want to have to leave on account of her father brutally murdering her classmate.

“I told him you’d get jealous and probably turn him into a beetle and eat him alive,” she said simply with a shrug. “He cried and ran away.” She placed a finger to her chin and pondered deeply. “His name is Tommy but I really like Charlie. So maybe I’ll ask him to be my boyfriend instead,” she finished with a thoughtful nod.


End file.
